Everyday I sit here and think of you. I sit here and miss you. Day by day, hour by hour, the time we are away spins in my head. I ride the rift that changes us from friends to lovers. Yet I see a destiny unfold, and yes it kind of scares me. It is a destiny that leads me away from you for awhile and it scares me so much that you will be gone when I return. I do not want to lose you. You have changed me and made me so happy. I am just ecstatic to have met you and yet you have done so much more for me. You have made a place in my heart and I will always care about you no matter what. I don’t know why I am leaving when I could stay and spend the days with you. I just hate having to make such a hard decision that could change us. Although I know if I stay here we will work, although what I am striving for is to secure a future with the person I am going to spend my life with, whoever that may be. So I guess that comes down to me actually going. So I guess I have to make up my mind whether or not to leave you for my career and hope that you are still here when I get back. Or I can postpone and let us get farther then go and hopefully take you, but as of now it is up in the air.
Why is it so easy to be so blind to those around you. The answer is, I don't know. We all do it from time to time. We ignore those that are close to us, and better yet we over look those that are trying to get close to us. We just don't stop to look at the sights and notice what is important to those around us. I know personally that it is nice to be noticed by my friends and not seen as another person. I am also at fault when it comes to this. I just look onward to where my close friends are and just bypass those that are close but not around all the time. I know this all just kinda sounds like a ramble, but this is what is on my mind. I guess I am kinda feeling guilty for overlooking all those other people that are there for me also. So thank you all for being my friends. I really appreciate your friendship. If it wasn't for you guys I would probably be in a major depression and I know that for a fact.
Dreams! They are an illusion of the mind thought be your happy place. but for those that are not that fortunate, it is a place of hell. We see the hell we have gone through, things that make us cringe, and things that we believe are true that hurt so badly. We get into these dreams and become fucked up. Daily we wake up nearly in tears or with heart break, not realizing what we had seen to later that day. Although it still does hurt, and kills us inside. I guess that is why I am at a major lack of sleep. I am down to seriously 1 hour of sleep a night, and it kills me for that hour that I am asleep. Maybe my head is just fucked up!! Or maybe I am just fucked up period!!! Whatever it is it still hurts and kills me inside.
Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Mans Chest
So last night I went to the 12:03 showing of Pirates of the Caribbean : dead mans chest. And yes it was the first showing. It was an awesome movie. So well done, and just went so well with the first. I would definitely have to say that it is a must see. And just wait till the end.
Death. What is death? An escape to another reality? An end to everything? An end to our dreams? I do not know and neither do to many people. Although I guess everyone has their assumption of what death is and what is on the other side, but as for me I just don't know. With these assumptions come misconceptions of how we should live our lives. Some think that they should live day to day because they don't know when the last is, where as others plan for years of being around and try their hardest to do everything right. I guess all I could say is, who knows whos right, because I sure don't. Recently I have noticed that quite a few deaths are self-inflicted deaths, also known as deaths brought upon ourselves. Such ones are drug-related, smoking-related, and suicide. I don't understand why we as people are like this. I do not exclude myself from this, because I am a smoker and I do drink on occasion. I know the risks and I choose to take them. So choose wisely what you want to happen and how you want to see your life ending. I guess that is all I have for today.
friends
